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[weary_head]

Dean's body ached from the inside out, every last part of it wound so tight it was a wonder he had any strength left for walking, but walk Dean did. His feet had carried him to every part of the island at least twice, and now they'd brought him to the tree Sam had taken from the jungle and planted the last time Dean disappeared.

What, you made me into Arbor Day?

Sam hadn't smiled then, and Dean didn't smile now. Between Sam's screaming absence and Castiel's news, Dean wasn't sure he'd ever smile again. Not once, back home, not once had he taken Sam for granted, and on the island it'd taken all of a year to relax his guard, let himself reach for things that made him happy, and now his little brother was gone. Back to the worst of all possible futures, and Dean was as powerless to save him as a child.

He pushed his fingers over his eyes, holding back the panic as best he could. Sam was out there, fighting Lilith with only Ruby at his side, and Dean was in fucking Margaritaville. With a grunt of dissent, Dean walked forward, head shaking angrily from side to side. They hadn't been through all of this to be separated now.

The fistful of leaves tore easily away from the branch. Dean stalked north with his prize, to the place where the path split four ways. In times past, a left would have taken them to the baseball field where the both of them had played in a way they'd never been able to as children.

He punched rather than dug the hole in the ground.

When the last leaf was buried in the ground, Dean sat back on his haunches and waited. He didn't have anything left to barter with, even if a demon did come, but he had to know.

He had to know if this was truly done.

Comments

[little_moons]

"Do you think it'd really work?" I ask quietly, shifting to sit down indian-style in the dirt. I think about all the people I've lost here, all the people I could lose, and I dunno what I would trade to keep 'em here, if I was given the choice.

I think maybe I'd trade myself if it meant the girls could have their mother.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Don't," Dean barked, straining his arm to snatch them up from the ground. The leaves were bruised but whole, and Dean cradled them to his chest.

Deep down, he knew the ceremony wouldn't work, but he owed Sam the chance that it might. "And yes I can, and I will."

[one--song.livejournal.com]

Seeing Dean like that - a bit bruised but whole, himself - was enough to make Roger retreat a single step, eyes going rounder as he watched Dean cradle the pieces of earth.

"Let's say it works," Roger said, attempting strength that came off as more of a plea, "things don't work here the way you're used to. What if something happens and you don't know how to deal with it? What if it's not your... your deal-demon that comes up from out of the ground?"

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Castiel pulls you out of Hell?" Angua said, head turning to look at Dean in disbelief. "Were you ever going to tell me this? I've been worried sick, you know, thinking you're dead back on the Roundworld."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean shook his head. "Nothing else I've tried has yet, but why not? There's evil here as much as anywhere, and look at this place. Half the people here are better off for having gotten here. As much as people here have got to lose...any demon would be jonesing for a pot like that. Especially the bitch that's holding mine."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean exhaled softly. "You say that like you knew it would happen. Up until a couple months ago, I thought maybe I'd get out of it. And when I knew I didn't, I couldn't tell you that." He gave a helpless shrug.

"What would be the point? Things were good, my life was supposed to go on here." Not fall the fuck apart for no reason that Dean could see.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Doesn't matter. They're all the same." Dean's eyes burned in spite of his better efforts, thinking of Ruby standing there at Sam's side instead of Dean himself. "Soulless, greedy. If they thought I had something they wanted, they'd take it."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Your life will go on here," was all Angua could get out, tears threatening to blur her vision. There was too much despair that she couldn't even grasp the relief of knowing Dean had escaped Hell.

"I already knew," she said, softly, as an afterthought. "Black Dog told me."

[babyviper.livejournal.com]

"You're welcome," O-Ren said, pushing down her urge to fold her arms over herself protectively. "What are you doing with the leaves?" She eased a couple of steps closer. "Why did you bury them?"

[little_moons]

"I like Sam, you know I do, but you go tradin' yourself for him, again, I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass. I'll find a way," I say fiercely, and it's an empty fuckin' threat, but it's no less honest. I mean it, I'm not watching something like that happen.

I never had a brother to lose, but I lost the closest thing to it, and I probably would've done anything to keep her here. It's hard for me to find fault with this, even if I think he's fuckin' crazy.

[one--song.livejournal.com]

"I'm willing to agree with you!" Roger said, holding a hand back to gently extract Dean from the edge of the site, "but let's say one of those soulless, greedy motherfuckers shows up right where we stand and it's something you don't know how to deal with. Something cooked up on a magical fucking island." He turned his hand so it was held out for the leaves, rather than gently suggesting Dean back. Throughout his little speech, he managed to edge himself between Dean and the hole he'd dug, eyes still imploring but with a bit more force.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Getting my ass kicked is pretty much the last thing I'm worried about," Dean murmured, eyes on Roger's outstretched hand. Giving him the leaves, that wasn't such a big deal. Dean could go and grab some more, but that would only make Roger angry. It wouldn't make him understand.

"I need to know, Roger. I just need to know if this is it."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Hell of a get out of jail free card," Dean breathed, but what tiny bit of mirth he'd found died away at the look on her face. He wasn't doing right by her, and he knew it, but Dean didn't know how to stop feeling the way he was. The only thing worse than the grief was the guilt, and Dean couldn't make that go away, not for any of their sakes.

"I'm supposed to look after him. I'm his brother."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"It's a ceremony," Dean replied, knowing she'd understand that much, at least. That it didn't seem to be working was a fist around his throat, but Dean didn't own to it. "For Sam. The last time I disappeared from the island, he planted a tree."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

Angua didn't know if he was thinking about back home, or the disappearance. Either way, he couldn't control what happened, even if he tried, even with the best intentions.

"I know, Dean, but you're also human. You can't stop this place from doing what it does any more than the rest of us. It's not your fault," Angua said, touching his jaw with her free hand so he'd look at her.

[one--song.livejournal.com]

The frustration in Roger was building. He couldn't begin to understand what it was like. If Roger had known that selling his soul was an option when April died, he probably would have done the same thing, and it would have been just as selfish and self-righteous as Dean was being right then.

"So what?" Roger asked angrily, hand still outstretched, "you're just gonna keep giving your soul up? Just gonna keep dying until you're both dead?" He emphasized his arm. "Give me the Goddamn leaves, Dean!"

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean huffed out a small, unhappy laugh. "Hard enough to get them to take me the first time," he muttered, looking across the hole in the ground to find Neil staring at him, eyes burning.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. It hadn't escaped him that they were still alone. "Didn't work, anyway."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean let her turn his head, but she wouldn't like what she saw there. "Doesn't matter," he said. "I've been looking after him since he was six months old. Fault or not, he's my responsibility."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

It was the shouting that did it. Dean was angry, by god he was, and even though it wasn't at Roger the other man was making the transference damn easy.

"Take the fucking things," he ground out, shoving them into Roger's hand. "There's a whole goddamn tree where that came from."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Right. And you're expected to protect him from a magical island? No one can do that," Angua said, wanting to beat it into him until he believed it.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

No one could raise people from the dead, either, and Dean had managed that one, hadn't he? He was wise enough not to say so.

"He's in trouble," he said instead, blinking hard. "I can't stand the thought of him out there."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"I know, Dean, but you're out there too," Angua said, cupping his face in her hands. "You said you don't get to help him fight the demon, but are you certain? Castiel told you, but he could be lying, or wrong. Time is fluid, who can even know what is going on right this second anywhere else? You could both be seventy years old somewhere right now for all you know." Angua tried not to get worked up, but it wouldn't do any good to go over every what if and maybe. They couldn't do anything about the other universes here, she wished they couldn't hear about them at all.

[little_moons]

Nodding slowly, I look down at the mound in the earth, and there's a tiny, morbidly curious part of me that's itching to see it. To see the demon. To see how it works... how exactly he sold his soul that first time.

"'m sorry," I echo, forcing myself to look up at him, shifting awkwardly against the wrenching ache in my chest, "Dean... I know you think you gotta look after... everybody, but back home, you're still there. He's not the one that's alone, now. And, man, neither are you."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"He's an angel," Dean managed. The reality of it was building inside of him, no matter how hard he tried to be angry instead. He closed his eyes, but felt the track of hot tears down his cheek. "An angel would know. Sam's in trouble. He knows."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"I know." There'd been a lot of people searching, and Dean had felt some of their eyes on him as often as on the trees around them. That didn't mean he was ready to trade, though, not a life with Sam for a life with everyone else. Maybe it was too much, but Dean wanted both. He needed both.

"But things are bad back home. Even by our standards." Dean swallowed. "He isn't safe. I'm here and he isn't safe."