(no subject)

[weary_head]

Dean's body ached from the inside out, every last part of it wound so tight it was a wonder he had any strength left for walking, but walk Dean did. His feet had carried him to every part of the island at least twice, and now they'd brought him to the tree Sam had taken from the jungle and planted the last time Dean disappeared.

What, you made me into Arbor Day?

Sam hadn't smiled then, and Dean didn't smile now. Between Sam's screaming absence and Castiel's news, Dean wasn't sure he'd ever smile again. Not once, back home, not once had he taken Sam for granted, and on the island it'd taken all of a year to relax his guard, let himself reach for things that made him happy, and now his little brother was gone. Back to the worst of all possible futures, and Dean was as powerless to save him as a child.

He pushed his fingers over his eyes, holding back the panic as best he could. Sam was out there, fighting Lilith with only Ruby at his side, and Dean was in fucking Margaritaville. With a grunt of dissent, Dean walked forward, head shaking angrily from side to side. They hadn't been through all of this to be separated now.

The fistful of leaves tore easily away from the branch. Dean stalked north with his prize, to the place where the path split four ways. In times past, a left would have taken them to the baseball field where the both of them had played in a way they'd never been able to as children.

He punched rather than dug the hole in the ground.

When the last leaf was buried in the ground, Dean sat back on his haunches and waited. He didn't have anything left to barter with, even if a demon did come, but he had to know.

He had to know if this was truly done.

Comments

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Sort of." Dean sank his free hand into the dirt, down deep where it was cool. The thought still scared the shit out of him, even knowing it was temporary, and he knew it didn't sit so well on Angua, either.

"I die, Sam watches, and sometime later Castiel pulls me out." He shook his head. "I'm still not clear on what happens after that, but it's not good."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Castiel pulls you out of Hell?" Angua said, head turning to look at Dean in disbelief. "Were you ever going to tell me this? I've been worried sick, you know, thinking you're dead back on the Roundworld."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean exhaled softly. "You say that like you knew it would happen. Up until a couple months ago, I thought maybe I'd get out of it. And when I knew I didn't, I couldn't tell you that." He gave a helpless shrug.

"What would be the point? Things were good, my life was supposed to go on here." Not fall the fuck apart for no reason that Dean could see.

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Your life will go on here," was all Angua could get out, tears threatening to blur her vision. There was too much despair that she couldn't even grasp the relief of knowing Dean had escaped Hell.

"I already knew," she said, softly, as an afterthought. "Black Dog told me."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Hell of a get out of jail free card," Dean breathed, but what tiny bit of mirth he'd found died away at the look on her face. He wasn't doing right by her, and he knew it, but Dean didn't know how to stop feeling the way he was. The only thing worse than the grief was the guilt, and Dean couldn't make that go away, not for any of their sakes.

"I'm supposed to look after him. I'm his brother."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

Angua didn't know if he was thinking about back home, or the disappearance. Either way, he couldn't control what happened, even if he tried, even with the best intentions.

"I know, Dean, but you're also human. You can't stop this place from doing what it does any more than the rest of us. It's not your fault," Angua said, touching his jaw with her free hand so he'd look at her.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean let her turn his head, but she wouldn't like what she saw there. "Doesn't matter," he said. "I've been looking after him since he was six months old. Fault or not, he's my responsibility."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Right. And you're expected to protect him from a magical island? No one can do that," Angua said, wanting to beat it into him until he believed it.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

No one could raise people from the dead, either, and Dean had managed that one, hadn't he? He was wise enough not to say so.

"He's in trouble," he said instead, blinking hard. "I can't stand the thought of him out there."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"I know, Dean, but you're out there too," Angua said, cupping his face in her hands. "You said you don't get to help him fight the demon, but are you certain? Castiel told you, but he could be lying, or wrong. Time is fluid, who can even know what is going on right this second anywhere else? You could both be seventy years old somewhere right now for all you know." Angua tried not to get worked up, but it wouldn't do any good to go over every what if and maybe. They couldn't do anything about the other universes here, she wished they couldn't hear about them at all.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"He's an angel," Dean managed. The reality of it was building inside of him, no matter how hard he tried to be angry instead. He closed his eyes, but felt the track of hot tears down his cheek. "An angel would know. Sam's in trouble. He knows."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"Then you'll be there to help him. Not the you here, but the you back there. You'll be together back there, I know you will," Angua said quietly, wiping the tears away with her thumbs. She pressed her forehead to Dean's temple a moment and kissed his cheek, staying close.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean's voice broke. "But I'm not. The angels, they've got me locked up for some reason, and Sam's with Ruby. He's using his powers and he shouldn't - " His breath hitched. "Cas sent me to him but I don't know if I made it. He's gonna get hurt."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

Angua kissed Dean again and wrapped her arms around him. "Shh...Dean, an angel sent you. He's powerful, isn't he? If he sent you I bet chances are pretty good that it worked," she said, smoothing a hand over his hair.

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"And then what?" Dean couldn't help but ask. "When does it fucking stop? Why can't he just be here, and be safe. He was for years." His fingers wrapped around Angua's wrists, holding on. "Why now?"

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," Angua said, trying to be strong, but her own voice trembled. Her biggest fear was that she would wake up one morning and Dean would be gone, taken from her for good. She understood his fear, and that's what made it even worse.

"He might come back. You did," she said, breath hitching. "He might."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

Dean nodded, pressing his face hard against her shoulder. He wanted to believe Sam would come back. Given everything else that had happened in this place, he almost could, but it was the island that had sent Sam away again.

"I don't want to leave you," he whispered. "I just want to be with him."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

Angua pulled Dean against her, hand tightening in his hair and shirt. "I know," she said, voice cracking until a few tears escaped her tightly closed eyes. What she knew was that if given the choice, Dean would go where Sam was. She couldn't be mad about that, they were family, more than family. She just wanted Dean here, to stay, and to not have his whole life fall apart because Sam was gone. She was afraid of what this would do to him, more than what it already had.

"I'll take care of you," she said into his hair. "It'll be okay, I promise."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"He needs somebody to look after him," Dean continued, even though she'd already given him a pass. He needed her to understand it. "He gets caught up in things, always has. I wouldn't leave you. But if I could bring him back here..."

[loaded-wolf.livejournal.com]

Don't want to and wouldn't were completely different things, and Angua couldn't help the small sob that came from hearing it. She'd never wanted to let someone else mean so much to her, and here it had happened, in the most ambivalent place possible. She hurt when he hurt, and she'd do anything she could to keep him happy.

Though the crying was probably a mixture of everything, the exhaustion from searching, her sympathy and worry for Dean, her love for Dean, even losing Sam herself - he had been a very dear friend, had become like family to her.

"I'd bring him here, too, if I could."

[weary-head.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," said Dean, breath a sore lump in his throat. "I know." The hope that Sam might return wasn't enough to sustain him, not nearly enough, but what could he do? Rage and rail against something that didn't deserve it? There'd be time for that, but Dean's life wasn't just Sam's anymore. He had others to think of, so many others, and so he took a deep breath, and then another, holding himself together for a moment more.